I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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