well I can't set my house on fire every night
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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