I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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