ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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