i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
