I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
