Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
God gave him joint rollers for hands
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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