Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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