I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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