went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
