he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
