How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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