Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
