just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
