you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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