I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
