Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize