This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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