Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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