I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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