if i can run in heels then i can drive
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
