and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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