thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
