I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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