I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize