that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
