I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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