Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
