the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
