apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
