I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This house was built for laser tag.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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