I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
