thus making me awesome and them whores
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize