Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
