How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize