So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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