She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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