I didn't shave. On purpose
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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