i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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