i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
accomplished twins. life is a go
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
