Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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