i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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