That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
