can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
