i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
