He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
