Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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