I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
