i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize