dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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