great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
