I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
