i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
