Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
