is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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