i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
