I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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