I feel like I'm in dance class right now
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
