I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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