Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
