i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
