so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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