I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize