Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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