4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
