i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
