The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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