I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize