Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
