I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
