Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
